When is a child old enough for chores?

Parents regularly come to see me feeling completely overwhelmed with jobs, overscheduled kids and household responsibilities.  They often lament about children not being quite old enough to pitch in and help with these household responsibilities.  The conversation inevitably comes to the question: when is a child old enough for chores?  They are surprised by my answer: as soon as they are old enough to ask for toys or candy at the store!

Although some people are quite surprised by this response, I believe that it is true.  I would never suggest something to a patient that I wouldn’t be willing to put into action in my own personal life.  My poor children often become my guinea pigs for different parenting philosophies that I have discovered through research over the years.  However, this idea just makes sense.  What better way to teach your children to be responsible and what it means to be part of a family unit.  If they are old enough to want something, they are old enough to be motivated by allowance because allowance will let them buy anything…[even if their parents say no][REALLY?  IF THEIR PARENTS SAY NO?]!

So how do you implement a chore system with young children?  First you must pick tasks that they are capable of completing and that make sense.  My son brought garbage cans in from the curb and checked the mail as early as four years old.  My daughter cleared her place at the dinner table almost as soon as she was out of a high chair.  Notice I never said that these tasks would be carried out perfectly.  Many stray pieces of mail were later found in the flower beds or food mess needed to be cleaned off the floor.  However, these small inconveniences were worth the long term benefits.  My six year old puts her own laundry away in drawers, helps load and unload a dishwasher, sets a table, and unpacks her own backpack.  While this is helpful to me as a parent, it is also greatly intrinsically rewarding for them. They feel a sense of accomplishment and they love being able to save money for bigger items that I would consider a waste.  Their understanding of money and how much things truly cost is a wonderful added bonus.

If you didn’t start your children out with chores at a young age it is never too late.  Your incentives for their participation may need to be higher though.  If your children are old enough to understand the big shift chores will make in the household, I encourage a family meeting to discuss the change.  Kids will be much more motivated to complete chores if they are part of the creation and implementation of the system.  Pick a few items that you really need help with and let them pick a few that they are willing to do.  That way everybody gets a bit of what they want and has input in the situation.  In terms of allowance, I believe it should be different for different ages.  Let’s face it, the items they want go up in price drastically as they age.  At 6 and 9 my kids get $2 a week unless they do extra chores.  This would be meaningless to a 16 year old.  In fact, if your children are teenagers I recommend a chart where you can list different tasks that need to be done and assign a money value to the task.  If your child needs some extra spending money for the weekend they can pick the tasks that will earn them the amount they need.  It may be a great way to get the car washed or the lawn mown and you can feel good about teaching them the beginning steps for good work ethic.