Hitting the Pause Button

While there are many techniques that I employ in my therapy practice, some are favorites that have a lot of applications.  Lately I seem to be talking to a lot of my patients about “hitting the pause button”.  Like many therapists I love using metaphors to help myself and patients visualize techniques.  Hitting the pause button is a visual everyone seems to be able to pull into their imaginations.  When I tell people to hit the pause button, I want them to take a mental pause.  It is a great way to get them to stop or slow down to process things in a different way before reacting.

There are many applications for this technique but I find it especially useful for people who struggle with immediate emotional reactions.  I will always teach this technique to people who need anger management help, but it is also effective for helping to control anxiety response and strong emotional reactions.  The key is if you feel yourself having a strong emotional reaction to, as soon as possible, visualize hitting the pause button. 

While you are paused you do not respond to others, you may even choose to remove yourself from the situation.  The intention is not to avoid the dilemma, but to take a break to allow your emotional response to fade a bit and your rational mind to take over.  This break is supposed to give you time to process what triggered your emotional response, rationally consider what are your options for dealing with this situation, and calmly select which option is going to get you closest to your goal.  You will find that when you are having a strong emotion your reaction is often not the one that will get you closest to your goal, but rather the one that will make you feel an immediate release. 

I like the idea of pausing, but self-imposed timeouts can work as well.  However, such timeouts will not work if you do not pause your self-talk.  Pausing does not mean sitting and obsessing about the situation while you work yourself up further.  It means taking the time to calm yourself in order to respond thoughtfully and appropriately to life’s dilemmas.  While truly pausing and calming yourself may be hard initially, with practice it becomes easier to do.  As you become more effective in employing this tool, you will almost certainly find yourself less embarrassed and regretful about your responses when you take the time to pause.  Often, your first response is not the best one.  Take the time to fully consider your response to stimuli before you act on it.  The results can be profound.